Tears Over Dirty Laundry
It was a normal Friday night at the
Cochran house. We had just finished supper, bath time, and story time with
Riley Grace. Patrick was grading papers for his classes, and I was putting
Riley Grace to bed. After Riley Grace was snuggled in her bed with about fifty
stuffed animals and goodnight kisses (along with fifty “last things” she had to
tell me before I finally left the room), it was time for me to soak in my
bubble bath (my Friday night ritual after a long work week). J I
walked through the kitchen to the bathroom when I noticed the laundry closet
was open. I peeked in to see that Patrick had washed some clothes. This is no
big deal. He washes clothes often. But something about the laundry that night
made me tear up. (And, yes, I do tear up easily, but not usually over laundry!)
Before I made it to the bubble bath, I
stopped to sit next to Patrick on the couch. I just sat there and gazed at him
until he looked up from his work to question why I was staring at him with a
goofy look on my face. I said that I needed to tell him something. He
immediately got nervous wondering if it was a good “something” or a bad
“something.” I told him that it was a good “something.” I started tearing up
and said, “Thank you for hanging up my wet clothes.” When he loaded the dryer
that night, instead of drying some of my clothes, he took the time to hang them
up because he remembered that I don’t like to dry those particular articles of
clothing. He didn’t realize why it had meant so much to me (although he later
asked if I was on my period…which I was, so that may have played a
role in my tears over the laundry ;-) )
In that simple loving act, I learned a few things about marriage and was
reminded of how marriage can and should point us to Christ.
1.
Little
things matter // Take time to know what matters to
your spouse. Patrick and I have been married for almost four years. He has
learned that I don’t like to dry certain items of clothing. He noticed, and
he remembered. And he cared that it mattered to me. He knows that I
like the dishes to be rinsed in the sink so that they’re easier to clean later
(since we don’t always get to them right away…). He
knows that I want him to tuck me into bed if he has to stay up and do school
work. He knows that I like my coffee to be the color of chocolate milk. J
And all of those things are small in the grand scheme of things, but I notice
that he knows those things, and I see his love for me in his noticing and
remembering. It doesn’t take much effort to notice and remember the little (and
big) things that matter to your spouse, but we so easily focus on ourselves or
are so busy with our daily tasks that we don’t take time to really see each
other. Take the time to notice and remember what matters to your spouse.
When you were dating and engaged, you noticed everything and wanted to remember
everything. But when the busyness of life comes into play after years of
marriage, it’s easy to believe that the little things aren’t that important,
but they are!
2. Make the effort to
accomplish those things, no matter how trivial they may seem to you
// This may sound pretty similar to #1, but if you know what little things are
a big deal to your spouse, then DO THEM! Take the time to serve your spouse in
small ways. My husband comes home from work/school, eats supper with us and
plays with Riley Grace until she goes to bed, and then starts doing more
schoolwork once she’s asleep. He does lots of work at home into late hours of
the night. He could go to bed earlier if he worked all evening, but he values
time with Riley Grace and me very highly, so he takes a break from work to be
with us. Once he finally settles into his studies each night, he usually drinks
a cup of coffee, water, and maybe hot tea. When we were first married, I always
jumped up to refill his cup or reheat his coffee. After a few years of
marriage, I don’t jump up to serve him so readily. I might be working on lesson
plans or in the middle of a book or movie, settling into a warm and cozy spot
on the couch, and I just really don’t want to get up. That’s selfish of me when
I know it means a lot to him that I notice that his cup is empty and refill it.
He’s not chauvinistic in a way that he expects the wife to jump up when his
glass is empty; rather, I know it means a lot to him that I notice the empty
cup and want to serve him by refilling it. It’s a small task requiring little
effort, but sometimes I’m too selfish to get up. As wives (even if your husband
doesn’t notice/remember/act on the little things that mean a lot to you), we
need to serve our husbands because Jesus served. HE is our standard for
love, service, and humility.
3. Don’t let negativity
overwhelm your interaction/conversations //
Truthfully, many times when I tell Patrick we need to talk about something,
it’s not a good “something.” Sometimes it’s a valid concern or complaint that
is necessary to bring up, but other times it’s something that I am nagging or
nitpicking about. I do not want Patrick to be anxious when I say that we need
to talk about something, but if my conversation topics often point out a perceived
flaw in him (not in me, of course…) or a way
that I’m disappointed or frustrated, then it is understandable that he is not
going to look forward to serious conversations with me. When he asked me the
nature of my tears over the laundry, he had every right to think that I was
going to complain about the way he did something in the laundry process…because
truthfully I nag more than I like to admit to myself. What if I would have
walked by the laundry closet to notice that he had put those articles of clothing in the dryer? Would I have felt
like I needed to bring that up to
him???... This night reminded me that I want to be positive and encouraging.
I want to be my husband’s biggest fan, not his harshest critic. I want
to build him up in love. I want him to cherish our conversations, even
if it’s dealing with a hard topic, because I can be positive and encouraging in
the hard times instead of negative and discouraging. Yes, I want to be honest
with him if there truly is something on my heart, but I can work to say things
in loving and encouraging ways, rather than demeaning or depressing ways.
So in all aspects of marriage, remember
Paul’s words in Romans 12:9-13:
“Let love be GENUINE. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what
is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. OUTDO one another in
showing HONOR. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, SERVE the
Lord. REJOICE in hope, be PATIENT in tribulation, be CONSTANT in prayer.
Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show HOSPITALITY.”
And Colossians 3:14-15:
“And above all these put on LOVE, which binds
everything together in PERFECT HARMONY. 15 And let the PEACE of
Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body.
And be THANKFUL.”
I pray that we will be strong and
humble women in the midst of godly marriages who strive to put our husband’s
needs, wants, and desires above our own. I pray that the small things that
matter to our husbands will matter to us – because we
are one. I pray that our minds and hearts are always focused on how to love,
serve, honor, and respect the husband that the Lord has blessed each of us with.
And I pray that the Lord will give us joy as we continually pursue marriages
that mirror Christ’s love, devotion, and sacrifice. May you be encouraged to
serve your husband in new and fresh ways! “Outdo” him in the ways that you
love, serve, honor, and respect him!
Always,
Jacquelyn
Comments