Survival is not the GOAL, but neither is Perfectionism

Survival is not the goal, but neither is perfectionism; so what is the GOAL??

Jumping right in…how it your time with the Lord? Today, what steps did you take to pursue a deeper relationship with God? How were you intentional with your time in order to know the Lord more intimately? Are you merely “surviving” in your time with God, or are you thriving? If you’re anything like me, having a meaningful and consistent daily time with the Lord can be very, very challenging.

Here’s the “perfect storm” of my life when attempting to pursue my quiet time.

-       I’m a perfectionist. If I am going to have a quiet time, I want to have a plan. I want to achieve all of the steps of the plan. I want to see progress. For example, if I begin a particular Bible reading plan, I am devastated when I get off track. I beat myself up, and if I’m too far behind, I’ll just quit. With my perfectionism, I have an intense fear of failure. This personality trait allows me to avoid trying new things or committing to things because I don’t want to try and then fail.

-       I am faux-organized. Basically, it’s really hard to live up to the expectations of a perfectionist if you’re unorganized. That’s me! I want to be successful and perfect in whatever I’m doing, but I’m completely unorganized. My study tools and books and journals may be stacked together to look like I’m making progress, but that’s just an illusion. I may have journal entries color-coded with different pens and highlighters representing different types of journal entries, but sometimes the organization trumps the content. I have the initial ideas and motivation to be organized in my time with God, but I have little follow-through because…

-       I have zero self-discipline. If something seems hard or uncomfortable, then I don’t have the discipline to persevere. I may get an idea to memorize a passage of scripture, but after a few days of forgetting about, I quit because I get discouraged that I haven’t made any progress. If I miss a few days here and there because of a busy work schedule or a few days of living with a migraine and thus get far behind on whatever “plan” I was working on, then I quit because I feel defeated in my goal. If I’m having an emotional day and just want to veg out, then I tell myself I deserve to eat ice cream and binge watch my favorite show rather than have the discipline to love the Lord with my mind and dig into the Word.

-       I’m ashamed of where I am in my relationship with God (especially in the area of having a meaningful, consistent daily quiet time) based on how many years I’ve been a believer. In my own opinion, I feel like I should be “further ahead” of where I currently am. I shouldn’t still be struggling to have the discipline and desire to spend time with the Lord! I’ve been a believer for over 22 years!

-       I’m tired (and/or lazy…). This is a good excuse, right? I’m not a morning person, so I plan to have my quiet time at the end of the day. But then, by the end of the day, I’m too tired to want to read anything that I actually have to think about!

-       I’m busy. There are more pressing things that actually have to get done, right?

-       I have a migraine.

-       Etc…..

Can you relate to any of these personality traits/excuses? Are you thinking of some of your own? When you add up my list from above, it amounts to little to no meaningful time with God. I’ve had many seasons in my life where my quiet time has been non-existent due to the excuses listed above. During those seasons, I am drained, depressed, and defeated, but lack the self-discipline and desire to make a change – mostly because I feel like I don’t know where to start! Even after being a believer for 22 years, there are still many times where I don’t know which resources to use or which book of the Bible to study or what the best method/plan for my quiet time should be!

I have been a part of a book club over the summer with some ladies from my church, and upon entering the group, I felt like I had no room to share anything spiritual with them. I was in a season of drought in my time with the Lord. I hadn’t meaningfully studied the word in several months. I had blamed this on my fatigue from a busy work schedule, but in reality, I hadn’t had much desire to be in the Word, either. I was excited to start this book study because I hoped it would encourage me in my walk with the Lord, and it has done that, but it has also forced me to evaluate my priorities, desires, excuses, obedience, disobedience, and many other aspects of my relationship with God. Within the book study group, there are discussion questions that we talk about each week. During the first few weeks, many of the questions were geared toward our daily time and spiritual growth with God, which for me at that point was nonexistent. It was humbling to answer these questions and be honest with myself, and it was even more humbling to reveal these answers to the group – which consisted of ladies that I didn’t know at all until attending the book study!

My book study friends were very lovingly encouraging when I shared my struggles to maintain a meaningful quiet time. These were some of their encouragements, not to excuse my lack of time with God, but to encourage me out of my perfectionistic mindset and into something more fruitful and realistic!

-       Our days are each filled with different duties and different circumstances. Each day may not look the same and may not go as expected; therefore each day, our time with the Lord doesn’t have to be structured exactly the same as the day before. This is not an excuse to be lazy, but merely to provide freedom from perfectionism within our quiet time!

-       Everyone has different struggles internally and externally. We each struggle with different aspects of our personalities that may affect the quality and consistency of our quiet time, and we each have different external struggles (stresses from work, family life, different responsibilities, health issues, time management, etc.) that may affect the quality and consistency of our quiet time. We cannot allow those things to defeat us! And we cannot compare ourselves to other women about anything, but especially regarding our own personal growth with God. What others are doing may not be what we can do in our present season in life, and that’s ok, as long as we are pursing the Lord with a pure heart!

-       There is no perfect formula for the way to have a quiet time! Don’t get hung up on the specific “plan!”

From their encouragement as well as what the Lord has gently shown me over the past few weeks, I have some encouragement for you regarding your daily time with the Lord.

1.    Start somewhere! Do something! Don’t be defeated by not being perfect. You won’t be perfect. If you start a reading plan, you will miss a day. If you want to memorize a passage, you will struggle. If you set a certain time to read each day, something will come up that will interfere with that time. Life happens! You will fail, and you won’t be perfect. Set small goals, and get started!

2.    Utilize different resources. Read a chapter in a certain book of the Bible each day. Make a prayer list. Watch a podcast. Read a book or blog. Memorize scripture. Work with the time you have in whatever season of life you’re in. The ladies in my book study group are all moms, and several of them have young babies. They are tired, and their babies physically need them all of the time, but they still find time to pursue the Lord. They encouraged me to be flexible and not legalistic in what I try to accomplish or plan in my time with God. One night, maybe they’re too tired to read, so they watch a podcast to help them focus. One morning, maybe they don’t have time to read a whole chapter, so they choose a verse to mediate on all day. During their infant’s short nap, maybe they’ll read a Christian blog. They aren’t legalistic about what they do, but they are sure to spend moments with God all day long! Stock up on credible resources that are teaching truth and not man’s opinion/false doctrine, and make use of these resources all throughout the day!

3.    Seek out accountability. Accountability is key. The Lord created us to be relational, and He knows that we can learn and grow within the Christian community. Find a group of women with whom you can be transparent. We need to be honest with each other. We need to help each other grow spiritually. We need to pray for each other. Being fake or closed off will not help us grow at all! Honesty may be humbling, but it is also freeing and can be the catalyst for change!

4.    Document your learning process. Journal about what God is teaching you. Journal about prayers that you’ve prayed and answers that the Lord has given. Journaling is such a testament to God’s presence in our lives, as well as how he is growing and changing us. I love looking through my old journals to see how God has been faithful and how I have grown!

5.    Give yourself GRACE. I can’t overstate this enough. Having a quiet time is not about being perfect. It is about pursing the Lord, loving Him with your heart, soul, mind, and strength. It is about seeking the Lord to give you wisdom for everyday life. It is about honoring and glorifying God. It is about falling in love with Him more and more as you learn more of His character. It is not about checking off a daily Bible reading plan. It is not about being faithful to a routine. Those things aren’t bad, but they aren’t the primary goal. Give yourself grace when you fail or neglect your time with God. He gives you grace! Give yourself grace, and pick up where you left off!

6.    Honor the Lord with your mind; thus godly things will be on your mind, creating a habit and mindset of growth in Christ. As you spend more time devoted to godly things, those godly things will be on your mind more often! Three weeks ago, I listened to a parenting podcast that really opened my eyes to some truths about godly parenting that have brought great conviction and change to how I discipline Riley Grace. That podcast has been on my mind daily ever since! I love that! Many times, I feel like I’m failing to pursue the Lord because my relationship with Him is simply not on my mind. I’m busy with a myriad of other things. But if I am intentional to read, listen, watch, and focus on godly things, then those things will be on my mind; thus my relationship with God will be on my mind!

APPLICATION

-       READ: Psalm 19:7-11 – “The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul; the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple; the precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes; the fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever; the rules of the Lord are true, and righteous altogether. More to be desired are they than gold, even much fine gold, sweeter also than honey and drippings of the honeycomb. Moreover, by them is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward.”

-       EVALUATE: Do you love God’s Word? In what ways to you struggle to have a meaningful and consistent quiet time? What internal or external struggles hinder your daily time with God? Do you have someone in your life who can hold you accountable to spiritual growth?

-       APPLY: Make a plan for your quiet time. Set a time. Gather some godly, credible resources. Gather some friends to join you. Don’t be a perfectionist, but don’t be lazy, either!

-       PRAY: Pray through Psalm 19. Ask the Lord to give you a love and passion for Him and His Word. Ask Him to show you how to love Him with your mind as you study the Word. Ask Him to give you wisdom and grace as you pursue Him. Ask Him to give you accountability partners. Ask Him to show you resources that are filled with truth. He desires for your relationship to deepen, and He wants to give us these things, if we will ask!

Always, Jacquelyn